


A Rose Flower Wilts

by ObtuseOctopus



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Confrontations, Gen, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:54:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22046707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObtuseOctopus/pseuds/ObtuseOctopus
Summary: • COMPLETE. One shot.•Tired and growing exhausted with all that has been going on, Steven tries to find peace within his room. ... Only for the room to force himself into a self confrontation. But was it truly actually the room? No, Steven has only created his own demons.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	A Rose Flower Wilts

The door shut behind him, and around him grew the world coded in a palette of pink. Clouds spiraled towards him, the surface beneath his feet cushioning where he walked in the embrace of cotton candy whirls. The sky was arid, but the atmosphere stayed chilled in the reminder of the air that now only suffocated him, though it gave life to many other things.

Steven balled his hands into fists, his teeth gritted. He paced the pink room, then stopped to grip at his hair.

This room was the only place he had where nobody could hear him venting, nobody could see him, and nobody could judge him. It was the absolutely perfect place of solitude. And he needed it- once upon a time he had thought the future to be bright. But, instead what he got was the antagonist he made in his own mind. It was his own self, was it? Or could it truly not be? No… it couldn’t be. It couldn’t be himself. Because everyone else still needed him-...

Did they?

He needed that sense of purpose- that sense of being  _ needed _ . Because if nobody needed him, then why was he here? Lars, Sadie, his dad, Connie… they all needed him. Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, Peridot, Lapis, even Jasper needed him. 

Here he was in the future, and it  _ was  _ bright…

But things changed. Sadie wasn’t with Lars, Lars went to space, everyone is happy, Lapis is free, Peridot is a slice of pie who isn’t angry or wanting to kidnap him anymore, Bismuth doesn’t want to shatter anyone, Jasper is… well, that was still to be determined, Pearl is her own individual, Amethyst loves herself, Garnet is married-... Little Homeworld even was flourishing.

Nobody… needed him. Did they?

Here he was in the future, and it was  _ wrong. _

The villain here couldn’t be himself. That was impossible. If the villain was him, no- the villain… there was none. There wasn’t any bad guys, just lost and confused Gems. The Diamonds all changed their ways, they’re family-...

“And so am I.”

Steven perked his head at the voice, startled. He nearly jumped, his heart racing as he tried to calm back down from the scare. “Who- who said that?” He peered around, then cringed when he found that the voice belonged to a figure that the room had conjured up made out of clouds, making it blurred between the lines of reality and imaginary. The shape took form to one that was too realistic, too believable to deny. The room had heard his thoughts and reacted accordingly. This room responded to him and only him after all.

“I’m family too, Steven.” It was the shape of Rose Quartz, his mother, the Gem that others blamed for this mess, the one who birthed him and wished for him to enjoy the beauty of this planet and his home, to protect the Crystal Gems and bring about a new era of peace- all on his own.

“Mom…?” Steven trembled, his skin shifting to pink. His hair even, he could feel the follicles stiffen in his scalp.

“Yes, Steven. I’m your family too.” Rose Quartz took a step closer, and Steven held his ground as he stared her down. 

“I know! You’re my mom, of course you’re my family!” Steven disputed. 

“Do you really think I’m the bad guy?” Fake Rose asked.

Steven gulped nervously. “No! No, no, you’re not a bad guy.” He paused. “I mean… yeah, maybe you did some bad things, maybe you did some bad… stuff; like hurting Volleyball and leaving all this to me, but that wasn’t your fault- okay, I mean hurting Volleyball was, but it also wasn’t-!”

“You’re stammering.”

“I’m not stammering!” Steven denied. “Mom, you’re not the bad guy! Nobody is!”

“You doubted yourself.”

“No! Why on earth would you have that idea- room, stop it! This isn’t my actual mom!”

“That… hurts my feelings. Steven, you look exhausted.” Rose frowned.

“I’m not exhausted! It’s just only a few more months and then everything will go back to normal. I can run Little Homeschool again, I’ll make sure that Homeworld is okay-“

“And until then?”

“Ugh! I don’t know! Connie’s gone at her space thing and the Crystal Gems just treat me like a kid! Lars is in space, Sadie moved on, Jamie is becoming a star, oh my gosh even Lion is busy!” Steven did his best to keep himself together, feet planted firmly in the ground. “Look, I just need a break. But I can’t have one yet, I still need to reorganize the schedule for Little Homeworld-“

“Steven, you should rest.”

“I can’t rest! Not yet! If I left it up to someone else- Amethyst for example, she’d throw everything off task! She thinks she’s so mature now, she thinks that she’s sooo much better now! She’s still immature and she still can’t be trusted with something like taking the trash out! And don’t get me started on Pearl either; she’s overprotective, she overreacts, she thinks of everything as this super big issue when it isn’t! I can handle it. I can handle things until Little Homeschool starts up again, it’s gonna be easier then.”

“Have you talked to them? Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst?”

“No! Of course not, I’d hurt their feelings! And after that… dumb cactus blurted it out, it just made everything awkward! I can’t tell them to their face what’s wrong, they’d take it to heart and I’d make them feel bad!” Steven argued.

“I think talking your feelings out be beneficial for you. I see you suffer everyday and it hurts me,” Rose sighed. “I wanted you to have the life I never could- and I never wanted you to have to clean up where I left off.”

“Yeah? Well… it’s too late. I’m your son! I’m Pink Diamond! I’ve been having to clean up everything you did, and I’m not even eighteen yet! Other boys they should be doing soccer or something. I’m over here fixing an entire alien galactic empire, ending a million year war, bringing down the bad guys and showing them they can be good, and keeping Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst okay! It’s hard, you know! I don’t even have time for oatmeal if I wake up too late behind schedule.” Steven felt his eyes water, stress compressing down on him. “I wanted my future to be bright and happy. I want everyone to be happy! Why is everyone so happy- but in the  _ wrong  _ way?! It’s not supposed to be like this!!”

“Steven-“

“No! No more, mom. Please…! You’re gone and I’m doing the best I can to fix everything. I can’t fix Volleyball, I can’t fix the past, I can’t fix Lapis’ trauma or how I treated Cactus Steven-... The Zoomen hate my dad and Jasper doesn’t want to attend Little Homeschool. I can’t fix any of that! I can’t even fix what you did to Spinel and Volleyball! What the Diamonds did to all those Gems who are now shattered or made into those cluster messes, Lars and Sadie not working out, Bismuth getting bubbled and Peridot…- well, no, Peridot actually is doing okay. But you also hid secrets from Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst! I had to uncover them on my own! What more secrets are you hiding, mom?! Was any of this worth it?! Was any of this, all this pain and this suffering, people who got hurt and people who gave up their lives, was this worth it?! Mom, I don’t know what I’m doing! I’m doing okay, I fixed what I can, I’m doing my best! So why is it that everybody seems happier without me?! Why is it that Pearl can’t stop babying me?! Why is Amethyst so okay with everything?! Why can’t Garnet just  _ tell  _ me if things will be okay?! What other people are happier off without me or are entirely different now?!”

“Steven.”

“What, mom?!” Steven stomped a foot down, causing a wave of energy to surge throughout the room. For a moment, the room glitched, then more shapes began to form from the clouds. Shapes of people he knew, shapes of people who he interacted with, and the biggest of all? The Diamonds, along with Rose standing in the middle of them. He furrowed his brows, the shape of his mother becoming that more of a Diamond- Pink Diamond. He bared his teeth with irritation.

Then, Pink Diamond spoke. The shapes of the people he knew and loved spiraled around him, encasing him in a small enclosed space. “Who are you?” His mother, his real mother, questioned him.

“I’m Steven! Steven Quartz-... Diamond…? Universe!” Steven boldly said, his voice rattling through the room.

“... Who are you?” Pink Diamond repeated.

“I’m Steven Universe-!”

“Who. Are. You?”

Steven paused, the repetition getting at him and making him frustrated. “Ugh! Listen, I’m Steven-!”

“No, we all know you’re Steven, Steven. But let me ask you,” the shape knelt down, “who are you?”

Steven opened his mouth to speak, only to close it. “I…” he peered down at his hands, words choked in his throat as the gist of the question finally dawned; she wasn’t asking for his name, rather who he was as a person, as a being, as  _ himself _ , “I… don’t know.” His body, pink as flamingo down, shivered.

And the shapes all disappeared, dissipated into dust.

“I… I don’t know.” Tears spilled from his eyes, falling down his cheeks. It was quiet, with no being present in the room. He was by himself, all alone, with nobody at his side. “... I don’t know.”


End file.
